Burnout from empathy. Burnout is a combination of overwhelming exhaustion and stress due to constant exposure to difficult emotions or highly pressured situations. Many people suffer from burnout because they work in environments that require them to be consistently empathic or in repeated stressful situations. Nurses, first responders, doctors, teachers, parents of children with disabilities, family caregivers, to name a few, all have important jobs, and self-care is paramount in order to keep going. So, it’s interesting to note that the latest research in the area of contemplative science shows that the best way to deal with “empathy fatigue” or “empathic distress” is in compassion training.
The need for compassion training. As a society, we value empathy; – the ability to see and value what another person is feeling or experiencing. These “pro-social” behaviors allow us to build relationships, maintain friendships and develop strong communities. But empathy may not necessarily always be a good thing because when we see another’s suffering, we suffer too. Tania Singer, a researcher at the Max Planck Institute of Human Cognitive and Brain Science, explains how on brain scans, similar areas of the brain are activated in both the person who is suffering and the one who feels empathy. We can literally feel someone else’s pain. We are also susceptible to “emotional contagion”, the proclivity to catch someone else’s emotion on an unconscious level, that adds to the feeling of being overwhelmed. This feeling can lead to negative responses, because we block emotions by feeling resentful, not liking, or excluding people. Singer explains:
“We are more connected to others than we are consciously aware of.”
What is compassion? Compassion on the other hand, differs from empathy in that it elicits feelings of love, warmth and caring, which then motivates us to help. It is important to understand that compassion is not an emotion. Emotions just happen to us, whereas compassion needs to be cultivated. With compassion training, we deliberately and systematically elicit positive emotions in ourselves. Singer’s brain scans show that the Buddhist compassion exercise of “loving kindness” decreases activity in areas of the brain that register negative feelings. She explains:
“…empathy recruits negative emotions in people while compassion elicits positive emotions.”
Transforming a painful situation into a positive. Compassion allows us to stay in difficult emotions so we do not have to suppress painful feelings or try to dump feelings on others by complaining or criticizing. With compassion, we learn to keep an open heart by having the aspiration that someone be free of suffering. Compassion gives us the ability to transform a painful situation from a negative to a positive. Hoping the best for someone creates a positive neural connection in our brain and is also good for the person receiving good wishes. Feelings of compassion usually come as momentary or fleeting emotional states. Compassion training helps to extend or expand these positive aspirations and to hopefully eventually carry them as an attitude in life.
Compassion Training Has 4 Components:
First, sending compassion to people we love, which is fairly easy because we are conditioned to do this from an early age.
“May you be happy”, “May you be healthy” and “May you be at peace”
Second, practicing self-compassion, which is harder because we are not used to sending compassion to ourselves. Without a measure of self-compassion, it is difficult to give it to others.
“May I be happy”, “May I be healthy” and “May I be at peace”
Third, sending compassion to people we feel neutral about, which is fairly easy because we don’t have an emotional attachment.
“May you be happy”, “May you be healthy” and “May you be at peace”
Lastly, sending compassion to people we dislike or have an issue with, which is harder because we usually don’t feel the other person deserves our compassion. However, forgiveness allows us to stop carrying feelings of resentment, which ends up harming ourselves.
“May you be happy”, May you be healthy” and “May you be at peace”
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
~ Aesop
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