Like many Canadians, I have been following the Jian Ghomeshi trial. The former host of the CBC cultural affairs show “Q” is on trial for four counts of sexual assault and one count of resistance by choking. He was fired from the CBC in October 2014 when executives at the corporation claim they saw graphic evidence that he had physically injured a woman. Since then, eight women have accused Mr. Ghomeshi of sexual abuse or harassment.
This is one of those sensational trials that one is drawn to. The more I read, the more I was puzzled by the accounts of the women who testified. In each case there were incongruent reactions to the alleged abuse. If what these women say is true, why would they still stay in contact with Mr. Ghomeshi after the incidents? A recent Globe and Mail article, “Don’t dismiss Ghomeshi’s accusers over their after-the-fact behaviour “ by Nicole Pietsch, cites that it’s not uncommon for some women to stay in contact with their abuser for several reasons. She cites, “…being uncertain whether the violent incident was in fact violence, wishing to improve the relationship or seeking clarification for the behaviour” as some of these reasons.
I think there are other reasons that explain the women’s reactions. In learning Emotional Intelligence (EQ) by way of mindfulness, one key concept comes to mind: emotions colour and cloud our perspective. For example, when depressed, we might see situations in a more negative way, life feels harder and without hope. The opposite is true with positive emotions such as attraction or passion: we can’t see the other person clearly, and we can easily ignore glaring red flags. A recent study from the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence “ The influence of teacher emotion on grading practices,” showed how teachers’ moods affect their grading practices. Teachers gave higher grades if they were in positive moods and lower grades if they were in negative moods.
EQ also helps us understand that all emotions are felt in the body. For example, anger can feel like a rush of heat coursing through the body, which might make us want to shout. Without any awareness of our bodily sensations, emotions drive our actions unknowingly. Becoming familiar with physical sensations, especially strong ones, helps us regulate behaviour by creating a space between how we feel and how we respond. In short, paying attention to the body, rather than reacting, lets our emotions rise and then subside. This action gives us time to pause, reflect, and gain perspective. Without this break, we can come to bitterly regret our knee-jerk reactions.
Not surprisingly, our emotions don’t always stir us in the right direction. Studies show that unrequited love, for example, can give us similar physical sensations in the body usually associated with negative emotions. Strong emotions such as fear, anxiety and frustration can be misinterpreted as passion. In The Capilano Suspension Bridge Experiment (1974), psychologists Donald Dutton and Arthur Aron examined how experiences that are exciting or scary can incite amorous feelings. The study had an attractive woman ask men who had just crossed a shaky suspension bridge to participate in a study that required them to write a brief story. After the men completed the story, the woman would give them her number in case they wanted to talk further. The researchers then did the same study with men who crossed a sturdier bridge. What Dutton and Aron found was that more men who had crossed the shaky (and scarier) bridge contacted the woman. They also noted that the stories written by these men had more sexual imagery. The researchers called this reaction “misattribution of arousal”, where people can misinterpret their heightened physical state for passion rather than anxiety. The researchers concluded:
“One of the lessons (of The Capilano Suspension Bridge Experiment) is that often when you feel intense attraction to someone, you shouldn’t assume it’s because this is the right person for you”.
What does all this say about Mr. Ghomeshi’s accusers? That these women had complex emotions they didn’t know how to interpret. That the women may have thought they knew how they felt when they didn’t. That it’s easy to react and then regret. That human relationships are subjective experiences which are far from straightforward. That a little training in emotional intelligence (EQ) can go a long way.
For upcoming Mindfulness Events and workshops please visit:http://mindsana.com/events/categories/transforming-emotions/ or visit our website: www.mindsana.com for tips and guided meditations.